"You shouldn't have!" We've all heard someone say it, and I'd venture to guess you've been guilty of using this phrase at some point in your life. Three words that pack a heavy punch. Three words that are in fact wrapped in sarcasm, but covered with a giant bow of (fake) gratitude and appreciation. Funny that we're on the topic of wrapping and bows, because those two things actually contribute to this phrase's frequency; in my opinion at least. How many times have you opened a gift and experienced the following: A) What is this? B) I think I opened someone else's gift. C) How in the world am I supposed to react? D) This person clearly doesn't know me at all. E) ALL OF THE ABOVE.
If you're like me, your answer was E. Unfortunately I'm not here to give you a "What kind of gift receiver are you?" Quiz and provide you with proper receiving etiquette for your "type" once you finish the quiz. In fact, I'm here to seek advice, because it is beyond me.
Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. My gift receiving skills, or lack thereof, come from this guy. Like father like daughter. If you ask him what he wants for Christmas, Father's Day, or his birthday, his answer is always the same. "I don't need anything. All I want is to spend time with my family". Yeah...he's one of those. And it always elicits the same response from all of us: rolling of eyes and a push for a better answer. Granted, that is what I want for my respective gift receiving days as well; time with the people I love. However, that is usually a given, thus take this opportunity to be selfish and ask for something you might want or need! Yes...you do get to be selfish every once in a while.
Now back to this request of his about not needing anything.
Obviously we are not going to let him have a birthday without getting some sort of gift. Because, (and he won't admit to this) I believe if we did in fact honor his request, he might be slightly disappointed if there wasn't
some sort of gift. He wouldn't let off this feeling of disappointment, but we would hear about it in some sort of joking tone at some point later on down the road. Thus, we give him gifts, and usually his response is less than thrilled because he doesn't actually like the shirt or the CD we chose. And that is why gift receipts are kept. Dad, if you'd be a little more specific, we wouldn't have to do this
every year.
If you don't know my sweet mom, you must understand she wouldn't stand for a birthday without gifts. She loves making people feel special on their birthdays. Having a mother who does in fact give great gifts and puts a lot of thought into them, means suffering from BOP (Bad at Opening Presents) makes you feel quite terrible. Again, I'll blame it on my father. I swear its genetic. Now hear me out, those that suffer from BOP are not heartless or ungrateful or rude. Those are all negative connotations that people like to associate with BOP. I like to look at the positive. We fear that our reaction, wether fake or real, will not please the giver. We are also very honest people (see? that's definitely a positive!). Example: If we open an ice bucket on our birthday* we don't know how to create the appropriate response, when all we want to do is laugh and ask "Did I give off some sort of hint that allowed you to think an ice bucket was what I wanted?"
((*Based on a true story. To protect the giver/receiver of the gift, names were not used and the gift giving occasion was changed. No, the gift was not changed. It was in fact...an ice bucket.))
Us BOPers, or at least this one, are also much better at
giving than receiving (another positive). I
love picking out presents
for my family and friends. I love knowing I got something I am absolutely certain they are going to love and seeing the look on their face when they open it brings me so much joy. You'd think someone who loves seeing that excited face would be capable of imitating it upon opening a gift themselves...nope, can't do it. My attempt at doing so results in failure almost every time.
Think about a common gift giving scenario. You're in a room full of people, wether it be 5 or 20. You have a box in front of you. In this box is a gift for you. Someone has spent
their time selecting this item for you. They spent
their money on this item. They wouldn't be
giving you this item if they didn't think you would like it. Do you feel the pressure yet? They are staring at you (along with everyone else in the room) expecting the response they want post-gift opening--excitement about their gift they selected with
you in mind. If you ever wanted to be an actor/actress here is your chance! And talk about improvisation...I bet Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are really good gift openers. The minute you see what's inside of the box, it's gametime. You should take about 3 seconds to examine it yourself, so you can atleast identify the gift. Next, and you
always include this step, take it out and hold it up for everyone to see. This not only gives you a few more seconds of planning your response, but also provides great opportunity for an onlooker to comment which may benefit you. Example: After holding up an outift, unsure if it is a jumpsuit or matching pajamas, a party guest says "I have some of those pajamas! Love them!" Ding ding ding! Saved by the guest. Be sure and send them home with extra leftovers as a thank you.
The final, and most important, rule for opening gifts following the independent examination and the viewing for guests, comes the 3 words: "You shouldn't have!" Works like a charm--IF you execute it properly. Practicing in front of a mirror is not frowned upon. Better to be safe than sorry. This simple phrase works in 2 ways. 1) Makes the giver feel flattered...as if they have gone above and beyond in their gift selection while 2) allows the receiver a cop-out while even still not lying...because they meant it literally when they said "You
shouldn't have".
My dad has vowed he is going to be better about opening presents. Pressure is on tomorrow big guy. Although, I must say he is making improvements as far as responding when we ask if there is something he would like. He actually told us recently he would really like a "rolling ice chest". I'll give you one guess as to who was the giver of the ice bucket came in my previously mentioned story...bless his heart, he really does have good intentions.
Happy Birthday Dad, love you!!!
 |
| He still gives great hugs and kisses...even though he's getting older :) |
Disclaimer: This isn't to say that I don't love gifts of course...my mom just read this post and said "I sure hope your friends don't read this...don't expect gifts from any of your readers especially"...so please take note, I promise I will love anything you'd like to give me. (minus an ice bucket....). My birthday is November 4th. :)
